Posted on by sufficientgrace4u

Forgiveness

Forgive. How do we forgive someone who has hurt us? I have said “I forgive” before, but I don’t know if my heart is always in it. I am also not sure I know what forgiveness really looks like. Are words enough?

Last week I was threatened. Someone I don’t know that well threatened to kill me. The police were called. Security was hired. My life was disrupted. But, thankfully, no physical harm occurred. I felt rattled and helpless. But then I prayed. In my prayer, I said I forgive this person, as I have for others over the years, but then rather than just moving on to my needs, I began to pray for this individual. I prayed for forgiveness and prayed that the Lord would enter her life, heal her of her anger and any mental health issue that might be plaguing her. I prayed that she would know God. And as I prayed, I realized that my heart was fully in it. I want this individual — who has threatened me, who has disrupted my life and caused anguish for me and those around me — I want this individual to have peace. I want her to know God. Is it forgiveness? I don’t know. But I realized that I wanted what was good for her (and that if she received what was good for her — if she received God — that would be good for me too).

Jesus said:

When you stand to pray, forgive anyone against whom you have a grievance, so that your heavenly Father may in turn forgive you your transgressions.

Mark 11:25

I have struggled with this verse most of my life. I know I need to forgive (and I have plenty I need to be forgiven for), but I have struggled with how to do it. Just saying the words did not seem to change how I felt about the individual or the pain they had caused me. I have heard that when you forgive you should want the good for the other, and I could never bring myself to truly want good for them — but I think I thought about it as material good, and I got trapped by my anger, my pride and my selfishness into thinking that was not fair. This week I realized that the good they need, is the good we all need — God! And why wouldn’t we want that for everyone, especially those who have hurt us and have the potential to continue to hurt us. I don’t know if it is forgiveness, but I know this individual has no power over my heart. I know I do not feel trapped in anger. I know I feel released. And I know I do want God to come into her life and help her.

Lord,

You are all knowing, all powerful and all present. You know what we need and there is no limit to your goodness. There is no need to be jealous over your love. The more people who know you the better all of us are. Lord, I pray for those who have hurt me. I pray for those who have trespassed against me. Heal them of their hurt. Send your Holy Spirit to them. I pray that they come to know you better. Lord, forgive me of my trespasses against you and against those you have created in your image. Heal me of my hurt. Send your Holy Spirit to me. I want to know you better. I want to repent. I want to return to you.

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The Love Story

For three days, I have felt called to write. And for three days, I have busied myself in matters of the world instead. Three long days.

At one point, I almost started to write about being lost… but then I got further lost in the world.

Today, I promised God that I would write, but the day once again got busy. And as I was climbing into bed, I felt the nudge once more. And, so… I gave in… a little begrudgingly, as I am tired and it is nearing midnight. I opened the Bible, as I used to do more regularly than as of late. I opened it to a random page and this is what I saw:

“I love you, says the LORD.”

Malachi 1:2

Mic Drop! I am without words. Speechless. And breathless.

What a perfect end to a long day. What a perfect end to a long week. What a perfect start to Lent. And with three little words, I no longer feel lost. And the start of Lent on Valentine’s Day this year makes so much sense. How perfect that God’s love story should start with a heart and a cross. Our ashes, our shame, our regret and His love.

God, Thank you for calling me back. Thank you for reminding me of your love. I hear you. I see you. I feel you. I want to do better. You are amazing and wonderful. I want to serve you and only you. I am lost when I turn to the world. I am found when I turn to you. You are all I need. I want to praise you and honor you. I am in awe of you and I fear ever being away from you. Help me to offer my gifts and my sacrifice with my whole heart. Help me to serve as you want me to serve. I want to be part of your love story.

Posted on by sufficientgrace4u

Repent

Lent will be here in just a couple of weeks.  Today, the Bible opened to a short and simple statement from Jesus:

From that time on, Jesus began to preach and say, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”

Matthew 4:17

Repent.  I have heard that word since I was a child.  Particularly during Lent.  Repent.  For the first time, I looked up its definition.  Here is what my quick internet search revealed:

  • to feel or express sincere regret or remorse about one’s wrongdoing or sin.
  • to turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the amendment of one’s life
  • to feel regret or contrition
  • to change one’s mind
  • to feel sorry, self-reproachful, or contrite for past conduct; regret or be conscience-stricken about a past action, attitude, etc.
  • to feel such sorrow for sin or fault as to be disposed to change one’s life for the better; be penitent.

To feel or express sincere regret or remorse.  So first, I need to feel and express regret and remorse.  The regret part comes pretty easy for me.  I have lots of regrets.  The part I can probably work on is the sincere remorse, which I think is a little more than just regret.  To be sincerely sorry for my sin.  To be sincere, I have to really think about it.  I generally don’t like to think back on the things I do wrong and instead I just lump them into general categories and try to move on.  I don’t want to think about the things I do wrong.  I don’t want to think about sin, and particularly not about my sin!  As a result when I do think about my sins (often just briefly) or prepare for confession, the same sins come back to mind.  Perhaps because I have not truly repented — have not thought about them enough to have true, sincere remorse — and as a result have not allowed myself to be freed from them.

The other definitions are even harder.  Repent: To turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the amendment of one’s life.  To feel such sorrow for sin or fault as to be disposed to change one’s life for the better.  Its not enough to feel sorry  or to feel regret.  To repent, we really need to think about our sin — we cannot hide from it.  We need to think about what we have done wrong, so that we can have sincere remorse.  Without sincere remorse, how can I truly dedicate myself to amend my life, to change my life for the better.

The kingdom of heaven is at hand.  It is time to repent.  Time to change our lives for the better.

Lord,

I am sincerely sorry for my sins.  Help me to dedicate myself to do better.