Forgive. How do we forgive someone who has hurt us? I have said “I forgive” before, but I don’t know if my heart is always in it. I am also not sure I know what forgiveness really looks like. Are words enough?

Last week I was threatened. Someone I don’t know that well threatened to kill me. The police were called. Security was hired. My life was disrupted. But, thankfully, no physical harm occurred. I felt rattled and helpless. But then I prayed. In my prayer, I said I forgive this person, as I have for others over the years, but then rather than just moving on to my needs, I began to pray for this individual. I prayed for forgiveness and prayed that the Lord would enter her life, heal her of her anger and any mental health issue that might be plaguing her. I prayed that she would know God. And as I prayed, I realized that my heart was fully in it. I want this individual — who has threatened me, who has disrupted my life and caused anguish for me and those around me — I want this individual to have peace. I want her to know God. Is it forgiveness? I don’t know. But I realized that I wanted what was good for her (and that if she received what was good for her — if she received God — that would be good for me too).

Jesus said:

When you stand to pray, forgive anyone against whom you have a grievance, so that your heavenly Father may in turn forgive you your transgressions.

Mark 11:25

I have struggled with this verse most of my life. I know I need to forgive (and I have plenty I need to be forgiven for), but I have struggled with how to do it. Just saying the words did not seem to change how I felt about the individual or the pain they had caused me. I have heard that when you forgive you should want the good for the other, and I could never bring myself to truly want good for them — but I think I thought about it as material good, and I got trapped by my anger, my pride and my selfishness into thinking that was not fair. This week I realized that the good they need, is the good we all need — God! And why wouldn’t we want that for everyone, especially those who have hurt us and have the potential to continue to hurt us. I don’t know if it is forgiveness, but I know this individual has no power over my heart. I know I do not feel trapped in anger. I know I feel released. And I know I do want God to come into her life and help her.

Lord,

You are all knowing, all powerful and all present. You know what we need and there is no limit to your goodness. There is no need to be jealous over your love. The more people who know you the better all of us are. Lord, I pray for those who have hurt me. I pray for those who have trespassed against me. Heal them of their hurt. Send your Holy Spirit to them. I pray that they come to know you better. Lord, forgive me of my trespasses against you and against those you have created in your image. Heal me of my hurt. Send your Holy Spirit to me. I want to know you better. I want to repent. I want to return to you.